New Widget

You may notice that there is a new little widget thing on the right.
It has files in it! Things to see and hear...

Anyhow, I will be uploading some new music and random things into that
little thingamajig.

(the unfortunate part is that: its flash, so no iPhones.  Sucko!)

- Jonathan (via iPhone)

Nostalgic Fool

I often find myself wondering if i were to stop listening to the music of my formative years, would I be able to change my personality? Its those things we experienced while "growing up" that make us who we are. What if we dont like who we are? All these reminders of who i was and who i want to be. Remove those from my thought patterns and change myself.

What would i change and why?

I care too much about people, i think about their feelings too much. What about me? I sometimes feel like i should just become a dick, bash my way thru life and relationships. Forget opening doors for women, forget gentleness and forget respect. What has it all gotten me? (yes, a lot of me, me, me going on here). I did my time, now i want mine!

Perhaps just stop attempting to have "deep and meaningful" relationships and go for the gusto! In the end, up until this point in my life all i have gotten in return is taken advantage of. Friend, well, that is no return whatsoever.

I am 110% passionate about my loves, anyone who really knows me understands that about me. All i have ever asked for in return for that is the same. Give me what i give and i will be happy. Understand, this statement is all encompassing. Music, life, etc... Take for instance the band, Jack Mystery. Wow, i really put myself into that. Not only was i the driving compositional force behind that band, it was all up to me to do: art, recording, engineering, website design. etc... Hey, i never complained. I like a full plate! Its just when it came to it, the recognition was not there from some of the members. I heard thru the grapevine as it were once that my migraines were bullshit. Granted, this "grapevine" wasn't precisely reliable. What?! Really? Time to look inward people, obviously you were feeling guilty about something you had done (or not, rather).

I wont talk about Ex's here, they are unimportant to my diatribe.

Point is: Sometimes i wish i could just be a "user". Just use the people around, take and take. No return.

But i can not... I am who i am and stopping myself from listening to any particular kind of music is only going to decrease my quality of life.

I am done.