Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Ending the Search

For the past decade, I have been looking for a girl on and off. Not
just any girl, the girl. You know, the one, the first kiss, the first
love? Yeah, that one.

Anyway, I've never had much luck finding her. However, over the years
she has occasionally found me. A letter from another country, a phone
call out of nowhere. When I was younger I guess I took a wrong turn
and got more self-involved than I had ever realized. I was too busy
partying and having a good time to write a letter to this girl. Who
wrote me several times. Then in my later years, 3 or 4 years ago, she
tracked me down once again. A phone call seemingly out of nowhere. We
talked, talked for a few hours. She told how she was joining the army,
had been living some of her dreams and life was for the most part,
good. The problem?

I was with someone.. What's the big deal, you ask? Well, I knew all I
wanted from the girl was to be with her. At the time, I couldn't let
myself see her and interact with her because I didn't want to do that
to my current (now former) girlfriend. So, didn't call her back.

From time to time over the years, I have tried to find out how she
is, where she is, etc... Nothing on the internet about her.

Until yesterday.

Yes, I finally found a small piece of information about her. She is
now married, and just had a baby recently. It's kind of a sad moment,
also a happy one. I'm happy that she found someone to be with.

Something I have often thought about: has my "unfinished business"
affected any of my relationships to date? I don't think so. I've
always given my heart to easily anyway. Besides, I met someone a year
ago who I thought for sure filled that void I've felt all these years.

This is not something I talk about often, or ever for that matter. I
thought since I finally have some level of closure, maybe I would tell
it.

Here's to you Cherami.

"I know someday you'll have a beautiful life, I know you'll be a star.
In somebody elses sky, why can't it be mine?" - Pearl Jam, Black.


- Jonathan (via iPhone)

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