Ending the Search

For the past decade, I have been looking for a girl on and off. Not
just any girl, the girl. You know, the one, the first kiss, the first
love? Yeah, that one.

Anyway, I've never had much luck finding her. However, over the years
she has occasionally found me. A letter from another country, a phone
call out of nowhere. When I was younger I guess I took a wrong turn
and got more self-involved than I had ever realized. I was too busy
partying and having a good time to write a letter to this girl. Who
wrote me several times. Then in my later years, 3 or 4 years ago, she
tracked me down once again. A phone call seemingly out of nowhere. We
talked, talked for a few hours. She told how she was joining the army,
had been living some of her dreams and life was for the most part,
good. The problem?

I was with someone.. What's the big deal, you ask? Well, I knew all I
wanted from the girl was to be with her. At the time, I couldn't let
myself see her and interact with her because I didn't want to do that
to my current (now former) girlfriend. So, didn't call her back.

From time to time over the years, I have tried to find out how she
is, where she is, etc... Nothing on the internet about her.

Until yesterday.

Yes, I finally found a small piece of information about her. She is
now married, and just had a baby recently. It's kind of a sad moment,
also a happy one. I'm happy that she found someone to be with.

Something I have often thought about: has my "unfinished business"
affected any of my relationships to date? I don't think so. I've
always given my heart to easily anyway. Besides, I met someone a year
ago who I thought for sure filled that void I've felt all these years.

This is not something I talk about often, or ever for that matter. I
thought since I finally have some level of closure, maybe I would tell
it.

Here's to you Cherami.

"I know someday you'll have a beautiful life, I know you'll be a star.
In somebody elses sky, why can't it be mine?" - Pearl Jam, Black.

- Jonathan (via iPhone)

Merry Christmas

That is all... Now look at this picture:

(Yeah, I totally wanted to do a FSM for Christmas one year. Funny
it's in Texas even.)

http://www.slate.com/id/2207356/slideshow/2207379/fs/0//entry/2207385/

- Jonathan (via iPhone)

Too Much, Too Little

Too much time, not enough time.

That is the conflict lately. Without going into too many details, it
seems like what I want, there is not enough time. What everybody else
wants, there is plenty of time.

I am too nice.

Wait, stop...

I am not going to write another bitchy blog post about bullshit in my
life. Instead, I'll talk about...

Music!

So, my latest/possibly last solo album is complete. One song to tweak
the volume on and it's done. The distribution end of things, well..
That's going to take a bit longer. Currently don't have the resources
to get that part accomplished. I will however be sending it out to a
few people, one in particular this evening or tomorrow.

I will also be posting a few more tracks on this blog as well as
setting up a MySpace page for the project (again).

So, people who actually take the time to read my diatribes and other
assorted musings. When the time comes, tell you friends, send emails,
do something! I want to push it this time out.

Also, I have set up my Twitter feed to automatically post new songs
uploaded. So, if you use Twitter, feel free to follow me and grab em
up quick! (Twitter link to the right of this post.)

- Jonathan (via iPhone)

I Can Play Again!

So, on Thanksgiving day I broke my left pinky while tossing a football with my brother. Tossing the football itself was strange, considering that not once in 28 years have my brother and ever tossed a football. Anyway, it caught my pinky just right and fractured it in a couple places.

I have been playin guitar again now. I can't apply much pressure with it yet, but I can actually play a few things.

In other news, I tried to play a Jack Mystery song (Race Car) last night and I could not remember how the hell to play it.

- Jonathan (via iPhone)

Gore: World cares more about Paris Hilton than saving planet

Just read this and... Yeah. I agree.

Al Gore: World cares more about Paris Hilton than saving planet

http://digg.com/environment/Gore_World_cares_more_about_Paris_Hilton_than_saving_planet

- Jonathan (via iPhone)

Decisions

Decisions, decisions, decisions...

I have had quite the wild ride this past month or so. So many
different possible outcomes, so many different ways to hurt and get
hurt. I find myself stuck in the most twisted of situations. Living
half of my life where I am now and the other half paused (as chris
would say). Why oh why can not my two lives converge?

Anyway. It's been an odd time of late. Nothing new really to report,
Hoping all is well back in the motherland.

Can I fly south for the winter?

- Jonathan (via iPhone)

Brothers in Arms iPhone Game

Wow! When the iPhone came out, I had no idea the hardware would
support this level of detail!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eAYfieW9liU

I don't care for this type of game, but damn! That's pretty kick ass!

- Jonathan (via iPhone)

McDonald's Late Night Menu

Umm.. Ok, so when did this happen? They narrow their menu down to like
4 items after 11 pm here. That is just strange..

Also, I don't think "Randy" knows how to make your cell phone download
shit. 5 minutes I waited at the speaker to order, listening to the
chick working the drive thru talk on her phone asking how to "free up
memory" so she could "download" "it".

Yet another reason to not ever eat McDonald's.

- Jonathan (via iPhone)

New Widget

You may notice that there is a new little widget thing on the right.
It has files in it! Things to see and hear...

Anyhow, I will be uploading some new music and random things into that
little thingamajig.

(the unfortunate part is that: its flash, so no iPhones.  Sucko!)

- Jonathan (via iPhone)

Nostalgic Fool

I often find myself wondering if i were to stop listening to the music of my formative years, would I be able to change my personality? Its those things we experienced while "growing up" that make us who we are. What if we dont like who we are? All these reminders of who i was and who i want to be. Remove those from my thought patterns and change myself.

What would i change and why?

I care too much about people, i think about their feelings too much. What about me? I sometimes feel like i should just become a dick, bash my way thru life and relationships. Forget opening doors for women, forget gentleness and forget respect. What has it all gotten me? (yes, a lot of me, me, me going on here). I did my time, now i want mine!

Perhaps just stop attempting to have "deep and meaningful" relationships and go for the gusto! In the end, up until this point in my life all i have gotten in return is taken advantage of. Friend, well, that is no return whatsoever.

I am 110% passionate about my loves, anyone who really knows me understands that about me. All i have ever asked for in return for that is the same. Give me what i give and i will be happy. Understand, this statement is all encompassing. Music, life, etc... Take for instance the band, Jack Mystery. Wow, i really put myself into that. Not only was i the driving compositional force behind that band, it was all up to me to do: art, recording, engineering, website design. etc... Hey, i never complained. I like a full plate! Its just when it came to it, the recognition was not there from some of the members. I heard thru the grapevine as it were once that my migraines were bullshit. Granted, this "grapevine" wasn't precisely reliable. What?! Really? Time to look inward people, obviously you were feeling guilty about something you had done (or not, rather).

I wont talk about Ex's here, they are unimportant to my diatribe.

Point is: Sometimes i wish i could just be a "user". Just use the people around, take and take. No return.

But i can not... I am who i am and stopping myself from listening to any particular kind of music is only going to decrease my quality of life.

I am done.

Potato Rock

I got this for my birthday. It's wonderful!

Flock

I have been a Safari only person as far as web browsers go since it came out.  Though, i just stumbled upon a browser that actually has some great features.  Its called Flock.  Its more of a "social" browser, it lets you log into Facebook, Twitter, Flickr, etc...  Has a sidebar with status updates.  A built in media browser that pulls from YouTube, etc..

It seems pretty cool, i still love Safari though.  If Flock was built on WebKit, it might have a better chance with me, but it is built on mozilla (not that i have a problem with mozilla).  I much, much prefer WebKit to mozilla.

- Jonathan (via Flock, yes...  it has a built in blog editor)

Heroes

Only one more day to go! Finally, the return of one of my favorite TV shows ever, Heroes.

I can't wait...

- Jonathan (via Stupid POS at The Suck)

Birthday Boy

Yeah, thats me.

I got an email from a forum i am a member of just now wishing me a happy birthday.  Shit, i guess im older now.  28 to be exact...

Its time for me to start my crisis i think.  Who am I?  What am I Doing?  Where am I going?

All that shit.

I had three beers this evening.  A long conversation with Jordan and a lot introspective self examination (which never turns out well).

Now i am listening to a "Genius" playlist on my iPhone while typing this blog entry.

Here's to me!  Huzzah!

Gina Gershon does Palin

See more Gina Gershon videos at Funny or Die

"If she shoots you in the face, its because she was aiming for it."  pure gold.

LHC

The Large Hadron Collider was switched on!

We will have to wait for the first atoms to be smashed for a couple
more weeks. Then we might get some blackholes, strangelets and other
assorted chaos inducing big bang particles.

Fuck Yeah!

- Jonathan (via iPhone)

Advancement of Time

Today is a very special day.

There are two reasons for my saying this, one is personal, the other
is global.

1. (personal). Jordan and I have been together for 6 months now.
Unfortunately we are both working all day.

2. (global). The Large Hadron Collider will be/was switched on.
Don't know what that is? Look it up. Google even has a special logo
today for it.

What does it all mean?

- Jonathan (via iPhone)

Question?

Here is the weird sign by my job. I raise an eyebrow to this everyday
I drive by it.

ICP

I never would have guessed that Insane Clown Posse still had a
following of any kind. Then, bam! There it is... I see kids around
here around 16 years old or so wearing the damn shirts.

"blood, guts, fingers and toes" y'all.

- Jonathan (via iPhone)

Politics

Something I don't talk about much, mostly due to the fact that most
people are over sensitive about that subject. I don't want you
yelling your opinion in my face because I have a different one.

Anyhow...

I simply want to say, I don't trust Barack Obama. Something is not
right... Who cares what color he is (besides all the racist bigots
out there)?

My gut just says "no".

- Jonathan (via iPhone)

Hannah Montanah's Gummy Guitars...WTF

Ok, I give up.

------------------

Hannah Montanah's Gummy Guitars...WTF

http://digg.com/food_drink/Hannah_Montanah_s_Gummy_Guitars_WTF

- Jonathan (via iPhone)

Seriously???

This is fucking pathetic.  I so hate vanity...

Read this shit, and tell me there is hope left.

Domain and Other

So, I went ahead and got http://www.jrollans.com

Nothing there at the moment, except for a template thing that I
uploaded so it would show an error message. Now I just have to put
together a site!

Other... I really hate my job, I'm bored and completely
understimulated by reality lately. More and more I am feeling a
complete lack of control over any of my surroundings, not that I am a
"control freak" mind you. Just some amount of control is needed to be
a fully functional human.

Now I realize there is that whole seize the day thing. I'm really
just not sure what I am seizing...

Ok, I guess that's enough.

- Jonathan (via iPhone)

Universe Closed

Check out what I found on digg!

Universe Closed

http://digg.com/odd_stuff/Universe_Closed

- Jonathan (via iPhone)

Optimus Prime

This is fantastic!

http://transformers.varitalk.com

- Jonathan (via iPhone)

Picking a URL

Damn..  I'm struggling with a decision.  I want to buy a domain name for my rf unit website, but rfunit.com is already taken.

I thought maybe one of these:

rfunitmusic.com
rfunitunes.com

Or...  I could go with an umbrella approach and buy jrollans.com then make a page with a map to all the random media garbage that I do.

All 1 or 2 of ya who read this.  Help a brother out!

- Jonathan (via iPhone)

Picking a URL

Damn.. I'm struggling with a decision. I want to buy a domain name
for my rf unit website, but rfunit.com is already taken.

I thought maybe one of these:

rfunitmusic.com
rfunitunes.com

Or... I could go with an umbrella approach and buy jrollans.com then
make a page with a map to all the random media garbage that I do.

All 1 or 2 of ya who read this. Help a brother out!

- Jonathan (via iPhone)

HDR Images

Just found this on digg, thought I would post it here. Some really
great images.

-----

Top 35 most amazing HDR images you will ever see

http://digg.com/arts_culture/Top_35_most_amazing_HDR_images_you_will_ever_see

-----

- Jonathan (via iPhone)

To Do's & To Don't's

I got some stuff accomplished music wise tonight. Got all the levels
sorted out on my newest (newish) project. It was really tedious, but
hopefully it will sound a bit better for it.

I also started working on something new with the previously mentioned
BeatMaker along with some guitar. Not sure if I'm going to try and do
vocals with the limited gear I have up here with me. Hell, I was
barely comfortable with my own vocals when I was doing it back in
Texas with the kickass studio I practically lived in!

Anyhow, just gotta finalize a track order now, then I can start
getting it online in some digital stores (that and cover art, which is
almost done as well).

That is all.

- Jonathan (via iPhone)

Not for Nothing

Yeah, I think I try too hard. I am thinking I need to re-evaluate
some shit. I put so much effort into some things and seem to only
push these things away. Inexplicable!

It is what it is.

- Jonathan (via iPhone)

Weekends

I have really grown to dislike weekends. Maybe it has something to do
with the fact that I really don't have much of a life right now... I
guess there is this kind of expectation that "everybody" has something
to do on the weekend. I don't.

Oh well, I will just kick it here and try to relax.

- Jonathan (via iPhone)

Metro

Metro

Me and Jordan are currently riding into DC on the metro red line.
Going to check out some smithsonian stuff, eat some good food and have
fun.

Maybe I will post sons pictures later.

- Jonathan (via iPhone)

What the hell?

I think I had one of these at work tonight. It was really freaky!

http://www.allaboutvision.com/conditions/ocular-migraine.htm

- Jonathan (via iPhone)

Multiple Users, One Account

You know that pc at work? The one everybody uses to check their
myspace? Yeah, I hate that computer. It's just filled with virii,
Trojans and spyware. Oh yes, can't forget the 3 to 4 different virus
scanners and "protectors" which seem to only do more harm than good.

I sometimes feel so alone in this windows world...

So, the next time you get on myspace at work. Think about me trying
to use your virus infested PC and screaming inside.

- Jonathan (via iPhone)

Rf Unit

Just wanted to mention. I am slowly (and finally) working towards
completion of the latest Rf Unit album.

For any who do not know. Rf Unit has been my "name" for pretty much
any music I write and record solo. This newest one has been sitting
ok the shelf for about a year... The last song having been recorded
back in December.

So, I have created a list here on my blog showing what needs to be
completed and when I am aiming to do such a thing.

In the next few days I will also be setting up a new website for all
my music related things.

- Jonathan (via iPhone)

BeatMaker Quick Demo

Just wanted to say I made this video.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Ix1cVElUF0

- Jonathan (via iPhone)

Music

So I have been thinking of ways to do some music. Since I have moved
to Maryland, I really haven't done anything substantial music wise.

I have an idea.

I got this kick ass sequencer on my iPhone now called BeatMaker. It
truly is a very sophisticated app (for being hand held). I think I am
going to try to do some serious electronic/guitar stuff. Some phat
beats fool... (by the way, the iPhone's built in spell check knew the
word phat.)

Word.

- Jonathan (via iPhone)

Life is...

...good.

Taking it easy...

That's what me and Jordan have been up to. Just hanging out..

Other than that, not much to report.. I think I may have a few
pictures to post up. I'll check it out...

- Jonathan (via iPhone)

Burned Feet

Yeah.. Guess who forgot sunblock on his feet.

They hurt so bad...

Wake up to this...

Wow... What a thing to see when you wake up. More pics later.

Right.......

Since when do expectant mothers get their own parking spot? At Best
Buy of all places!

Happy 4th!

Hope everyone had a great 4th! Launched some serious amount of
explosive tonight. Great fun!

Jerk Face

Patrick is a jerk face.

- Jonathan (via iPhone)

Riven Sky

I know, its not a photo of jordan. I'm working on that! I use to
play this game called riven. It was one of those breakthrough awesome
graphics games in the mid 90's. This sky simply reminded me of that.

Funny how a game I played more than a decade ago is still so fresh in
my mind.

- Jonathan (via iPhone)

Sky Fire

Took this one Monday... Looks like some alien attack ship is about to
fire a beam of deadly particles down from the sky.

Oh Man!

The next two episodes of Doctor Who are gona kick ass!

I can't wait...

Everything Must Go!

Wow! I am truly amazed by the size, complexity and frequency of yard
sales around here. We are talking huge! Some people have tents set
up, drinks, snacks... Its nutty!

Like an outdoor walmart and they are rolling back the prices (on junk,
much like walmart).

- Jonathan (via iPhone)

Automatic Bazooti

I'm bored at work. Closing this place this evening... Gets pretty
boring.

Other than that I got nothing to say.

Watched cloverfield again last night, first time since the theater.
It was so much better in the theater! I enjoyed it last night too,
but it was better on the big screen...

That is all for now.

- Jonathan (via iPhone)

Stormy Day

It was bright and cool just a little while ago. Now its gloomy and
storming...

I like it.

Technological Difficulties

The past couple days have just not been my days...

My tech stuff has decided to revolt! First I screwed up my iPhone
after restoring it to a non jailbroken state. It just would
activate. Finally fixed it after a long night of frustration.

Now, my computer has decided to screw up. I didn't do it this time!
I have figured out how to get it booted up, but it is strange. I have
to unplug it, let it sit 20 minutes, plug it back in and turn it on.
Means I can't just restart if I need to... I think its my video card.

So, now I have the "buy entirely new shit" bug. I got myself a newegg
wishlist set up. Figured up a really sweet system for $280. Though I
can't really afford it at the moment. I may just by a piece of it
here and there.

Anywho... That is all.

Sent from my iPhone

BSG

Oh man... Just finished watching the last episode of battlestar
galactica. Wow! That show is so good, I can't even think about the
fact that I have to wait another six months to see the rest.

Oh well...

Sent from my iPhone

Summer Heat

So I am living up here in Maryland. The natives keep complaining
about how got it is. Ha! They dont know hot!

This is like Texas winter here!

Sent from my iPhone

iPhone 3G

I am gonna get one! Then I'll have 2 iPhones... I havent figured out
what to do with my spare yet.

I'll probably keep it as a collectors item and a back up.

I can't wait to have GPS. I think I will get into geocaching then. I
have always thought that would be fun.

Sent from my iPhone

WWDC

With just an hour left until the steveness does his turtleneck thing
and hopefully intros the greatest thing since the iPhone (the next
iPhone). I am stuck at work. It sucks a little, but that's ok.
Gotta have money to buy the damn thing!

iNerd.

Sent from my iPhone

Learn a language with stupid pictures.

Yeah, that's funny.

Bang Bang!

Took a slug to the head...

I miss jerk misery... Sitting here watching left over footage from
club clearview and thinking nostalgic bullshit.

Sucko!

Sent from my iPhone

Nerd Rant # 1

You know what is irratating?  

When dcop is thrown out for dbus.  How do i give int values to the damn progress bar?!

The Devil's Hand

Left handed? How's it feel to be writing the Devil's words?!

Evil blasphemer!

Sent from my iPhone

That Guy.

There was once this guy I called Bar Stumble Barry. He was a nice
guy, an artist. Though he walked like he was drunk. All the time...

So I called bar stumble. Turned out he had some sort of back problem.

What ever happened to Barry? Last I seen of em, I dropped him off at
a greyhound bus station for a bus ride bound for Ohio I think...

I'm sure he is out there, stumbling across town.

Here's to you Barry.

Sent from my iPhone

Just a Test

this is just a test post from a Dashboard widget.  Nothing to see here, move along...

Geek Time

So for the past 2 days I have been working on my server. Having a
hell of a time getting wifi up and running. Probably gonna have to
just kludge it together, I'm getting tired of trying to get it "right".

I really want to totallly upgrade to a newer distro, with kde 4.
Though the daunting task of reconfiguring all if my custom scripts,
apps, etc is a bit of a turn off.

If it ain't broke, don't fix it (save for the wifi).

Sent from my iPhone

The Next iPhone

Is it crazy that I an already drooling over the next iteration of the
iPhone that had not even been announced, yet may be released by the
end of June?

I havent even had the one I am using now for a year. I guess I am an
iJunkie.

Sent from my iPhone

The Evil Author

Tad Williams, and his evil glare. He sees your soul and wishes to
consume it.

Jericho

So I finally finished watching Jericho. Damn, I wish there was going
to be more of that show. It was so good! It ended well, as well as
it could for only having 7 episodes to wrap up in season 2.

I had been holding on to the last 2 episodes for a few months. Today
I decided to finish it. I'm sad its over, but happy it ended like it
did. Thanks to all those people who sent in peanuts to CBS. Which I
think was around 22 tons...

Sent from my iPhone

My Girl

Yes, I have a girlfriend.  She is super cool, sweet and caring.  We have a lot of stuff in common.  Her name is Jordan and she is the best thing to happen to me in years.

She has this really cute accent too, I can't really describe it, but its new to me.  Really beautiful green eyes.

She has shown me some really cool stuff around this area.  A really pretty waterfall named Cunningham Falls.  A view of a valley from the side of a mountain. We checked out the Baltimore inner harbor together, which was pretty cool.

Though one of the neatest things, the way we can just be together not having to do anything.  Totally into just "being" there, ya know?  Just enjoying eachothers company...

Sent from my iPhone

TV Shows

I thought after my break up with the ex that I wouldn't be able to
watch the tv shows that we kept up with. Doctor Who, Torchwood, Lost,
etc...

Well screw that! The Doctor is awesome! Torchwood season finale was
sad. Lost is the best it has ever been. And I get to watch these
shows as soon as I want, no enforced schedule (other than that if the
networks which air the shows).

Life is good.

Sent from my iPhone

Migraine Pain

Migraines really suck. I had a really bad one all damn day. I'm
saying you know, in bed ice pack on head shit. That blows!

So now its 2:20 am and I am wide awake. Probably cause I slept all
day and rolled around in bed.

Sent from my iPhone

Updates

So, if anyone ever looks here at my blog... You may notice that there
is now my twitter feed as well as my youtube videos available.

Also added a link to my .Mac web gallery (where I upload photos from
my iPhone).

Other than that, just hanging around.

Sent from my iPhone

Hello Again

Been a while since I posted to this blog. I finally got around to
deleting some previous posts about the evil ex of mine and figured it
would also be a good time to go ahead and post something new.

So, here is something new.